love letters: fatal attraction

It’s time for another installment in February’s Love Letters miniseries. Every Monday this month I’m featuring posts about love from some fabulous guest bloggers—and not all of them are the typical boy meets girl, cue fireworks kind of love story. Lady Goo Goo Gaga is here today to bring the funny…

Hey Cuddles and Chaos friends!! So happy to be included in this love fest!! I am a part-time working mom of two boys and wife to Mr. Gaga. I spend my days observing how insane modern day motherhood has become and I report about it on my weekly blog Lady Goo Goo Gaga. I think I am hilarious. Mr. Gaga keeps asking me if he should ask Chase if they accept “LOLs” or “LMFAOs” for our mortgage payment. This love story has humble beginnings….

The story goes that I met Mr. Gaga three times before I stopped saying “Nice to meet you.”

Generally speaking, if you make me laugh or tell me a good story I will love you forever. If you don’t interest me or bore me to tears I probably will forget I ever met you.

Apparently, Mr. Gaga finally said something entertaining and caught my attention.

After that I pretty much thought of nothing else but him.

Boy was he sorry.

I just knew we would be together forever.

He had his doubts.

At the time we lived across from a chapel on our college campus. My girlfriends and I used to go to the weddings of strangers every weekend. We would ooh and ahh at the bride and cheer and cry.

One day after I had been dating Mr. Gaga for a little under a year, someone mentioned that there was a three year wait for the church. I panicked. After all in three years time, surely Mr. Gaga would want to marry me!

I called him in his college dorm.

“Don’t be alarmed… but I think I have to book the church for our wedding.”

It was probably around that point that he tried to get out of the whole relationship, but I wasn’t having it.

He repeatedly attempted to break it off.

“I don’t think we should go out anymore… we have to break up,” he would say.

“No.” I would answer back.

“I am going to go out with other people,” he would plead.

“Yeah, no… you’re not,” I would calmly answer.

“I don’t like you,” he would say when he was at the end of his rope.

“Yes you do… You love me.” I would answer back.

love letters: fatal attraction

It wasn’t that I was completely insane… it was just that I knew we were meant to be….

Finally when nothing he would say would stick he would just throw his hands up and say “Ok, fine—forget it.”

I was always making this poor guy do things that he didn’t want to do.

I had visions of romance and love and I would make him take me to fancy restaurants, buy me fancy gifts, write me love letters.

I was 19.

One night around the time that he kept trying to break up with me, I had planned a romantic night in watching movies in my college dorm while all of our friends were out at a bar.

We were about to start the movie, and I excused myself to go to the bathroom.

When I came back Mr. Gaga was missing.

love letters: out the window

I looked out the window.

This guy was so determined to get away from me, he jumped out a second story window, landed in some bushes and I could see him running down the street towards the bar.

Thinking quick on my feet I tossed aside my lounge clothes and put on my “Break up shirt.”

*Because Mr. Gaga was frequently breaking up with me, I had special clothes I wore during tumultuous times, called “break-up shirts” that basically allowed me to go out naked, ensuring I would receive much attention from men out at the bar.

love letters: hot bartender

Oh well, I’ll just drink this whole bottle of vodka and then I am sure I will find someone else in this bar who will be happy to watch a movie with me…

In the end, no matter what he did, he just couldn’t manage to escape.

He stopped trying after a while, and we were in love.

Then we had kids, and though we still love each other, things can get hectic around here and I may or may not occasionally act like a total bitch.

Also I started a mom blog in which he stars as “Mr. Gaga.” I mean what more could a guy want?

Sometimes he might secretly dream of jumping out that window, running like the wind into the night and drinking shots and beers until he can’t stand up.

Thankfully, he no longer acts on it.

He’s learned over time that there’s no use trying to escape…. he will be Mr. Gaga forever.

THE LESSON HERE IS A LITTLE STALKING NEVER HURT ANYONE AND CAN SOMETIMES PAY OFF!

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Written by Jennifer Garry

Jen is a freelance writer and girl mom from New York. When she’s not knee-deep in glittery crafts and girl talk, you can probably find her sprawled across her couch in the middle of a Netflix marathon with dark chocolate smeared on her face. The struggle is real.