Oh, summer vacation. I’m still adjusting to you and your complete lack of quiet. Some days I want to hide in the closet with my monster-sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms for five minutes of peace (you know, so I can feel bad about myself for it later). Other days I’m wild eyed and crazy haired when my husband comes home from work and he takes one look at me and knows I need chocolate.
If you’re a mom, I know you can empathize. There are awesome days when everyone is getting along perfectly and you feel like frolicking through fields in soft focus with birds carrying your picnic basket while you do an elaborate song and dance number. Then there are other days when you feel like the sobbing star of a horror movie, doing an ugly cry while you cower in a corner, hoping the curtain is enough to hide you from the demons coming after you.
Sometimes, when you’re having a bad day, you just have to laugh at yourself and your situation. Which is why I decided to make this list of things my girls have absolutely had to say to me while I’m in the bathroom.
- How many days are in July?
- Can I play with Play Doh?
- Follow up: Can you get me the Play Doh?
- You gotta see this! No, you have to come out to see this. (She’s either pushing her sister around in a laundry basket or Ellie is giving her huge hugs)
- Can I have a snack?
- Momma? Where is you? (Before barreling through the door)
- Mom! Ellie just climbed onto the counter and grabbed chocolate chips! She shoved some into her mouth, but can I have the 12 that I got away from her?
- Mom! We watching Chawlie! (Translation: We’re still watching watching the same TV show that we were watching three seconds ago when you closed the bathroom door)
- You have to see this. No, you have to see this! (This time she’s doing some sort of rhythmic clapping with a booty shake–I thought I had a good seven or eight years before I started worrying about booty shakes!)
- Mom? When you’re washing your hands can you open the door? I really have to go to the bathroom. (This, mind you, when we have another bathroom in the house)
- Mom, I need to talk to you as soon as you come out of there!
Have you had the pleasure of being harassed while you’re in the bathroom? I want to know what your kids have to say while you’re in there!
Hi! I'm Jen, a freelance writer and girl mom who loves reading the newest children’s books as much as I love a good psychological thriller. I believe fiercely in the power of kindness, empathy, and really good quality chocolate. When I'm not knee-deep in glittery crafts and girl talk, you can probably find me sprawled out on my couch in the middle of a Netflix marathon with dark chocolate smeared on my face. The struggle is real. 
Wow…does this resonate. It’s like they know when you got to the bathroom. Same with when I pick up the phone. Hilarious!
So true! This could absolutely be my phone list too–only there would be more screaming so whoever I’m on the phone with would wonder if they need to alert the authorities to a murder. lol.
This is absolutely hilarious!! Toby does a super creepy deep breathing thing under the door when I’m in the bathroom, so I can kind of relate 🙂
Gloria, it’s SO funny you said that because this morning the girls were happy playing with little figures when I ran to the bathroom when all of a sudden I hear the cat crying at the door and scratching at it, trying to get in. Fur babies totally count!
OMG. Yes. This is totally accurate. Like I’ve told her ten times I’m going to the bathroom…and she hollers from the other room: Mama? Where Mama? Or she has to come in with the dog and shut the door and like five of her stuffed animals. Haha.
Hahaha! Totally. It’s either they think I’ve abandoned them (even though I’ve absolutely told them where I’m going) or it’s “let’s have a bathroom party!”