Bad Dad Fact and Fiction

For those of you who haven’t been exposed to Bad Dad before, he’s my husband and he’s a little fresh. We usually don’t let him out around polite company, but once a week or so he finds a way to sneak onto the blog and horrify me. If you haven’t met him before, I apologize in advance…

Since I began doing the occasional sit-in for the ol’ wifey-poo, the attention I’ve been getting both from the paparazzo and the street commoner has been a bit overwhelming. I’ve found that with this sudden fame and notoriety some unflattering rumors have been making their way to the public through various media. I’m here today to drop the hammer and pull back the curtain. Buckle up, because we’re taking a ride in the Baddadmobile, straight to Truth Town.

• I am not now, and never have been, a member of GWAR.
• Yes that wound you’ve seen in photos is infected and suppurating and I would appreciate some help.
• That was not my child you saw me dangling from a balcony in homage to my dear friend MJ, but a homeless child I found.
• Despite reports to the contrary, I have never been to a brothel under the name “Hunk Stetson.”
• Yes, I punish my children by blasting Limp Bizkit and Godsmack and Amy Grant.
• I did not shave my head and attack an SUV with an umbrella. That was Britney Spears, idiot.
• Yes, I too, was seen kissing a severely deformed man. It didn’t get as much traction as the Pope since I was actually just licking his head because it smelled like cookies (it DID NOT taste like cookies).
• No, I’m not some kind of evil wizard. My kid was DRESSED UP like a dragon. It was Halloween, dummies.
• I am not planning a come-back interview with Oprah, but, yes, her people have called my people (cat) about it.
• I am not trying to bring sexy back. I am trying to bring Popozao back.
• Yes I’ve been crashing random house parties and going up to the folks throwing it and saying “Your friends will never believe you.” And so, yes, I’ve been arrested several times for trespassing and no, none of the people knew who I was or how many like, tens of people are aware of my web persona so let’s just like move on, ok?

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