We had so much fun the last time we did a contest with LittleHoots, I had to team up with them again to do another one in time for the holidays.

There’s nothing like the hilarious (or really sweet) outbursts of a kid to pull you out of a stressed tailspin and plant you firmly back in the moment. I don’t know about you, but I could use a good dose of  that right now in the middle of the holiday madness.

And this time you can win a canvas and an ornament!

Kind of tired of seeing the same old holiday gift guides for guys that are filled with money clips and bar ware and mustaches, I thought I’d turn to Bad Dad to get a solid list of gift ideas for men—while semi-sneakily collecting ideas for the back-to-back-to-back Christmas, birthday, Valentine’s Day stretch coming my way. Um, what was I thinking?!

With the oncoming holiday season, I am here to tell you what to get all those bad dads out there. Do you know a guy like me? A nerd? An asshole? A closet fascist? All rolled into one devilishly delicious and handsome package? Here it is: The Bad Dad 2014 Holiday Gift Guide.

Every once in a while I check my site analytics to try and figure out how and why people are finding my website. Sometimes the search terms people use make total sense. Around Halloween I got a flood of people looking for DIY ghost tutus. I get it. I mean, I wrote a post on that topic and it seems like a totally normal thing for a person to search for.

But then there are the times when the search terms I see make me spit out my peppermint tea in laughter. People are weird. Like, way weirder than I thought (and that’s coming from a person whose husband despises melted cheese). To prove it, I’m sharing 5 of the really out there things people search for.

Before I start this post, let me say that I’m not making fun of you, New Moms. Well. I am making fun of you, but I’m making fun of me too. I was you. Anyone who has kids was you, whether they remember it now or are willing to admit it.

Anyone who tells you they weren’t terrified when they became a parent is a liar. New parents are freshmen, stepping into a whole new world with trepidation and wide eyes and seemingly heightened senses. Every new sound is a potential catastrophe. Every sudden movement, a threat. Instead of wandering the halls searching for your first class, you find yourself wandering the aisles of the grocery store wondering what you were there for in the first place.

It’s a whole new world, but, like most things, the first rule to being able to survive it is to remember not to take yourself too seriously. To help you, I’m going to make fun of you—while simultaneously making fun of those of us who are slightly more seasoned at this whole parenting thing.