I can’t really allow a major awards ceremony to slip by without at least some mention of it—and the fashion that has me glued to the TV and Twitter and the interwebs in general as I oooooh and aaaaah and WTF all of the dress choices.
Still, there’s a part of me that wants to say screw it. It’s sort of done to death and if you can’t think of a fresh angle, why bother?
In an attempt to change it up at least slightly, I’ve put together a few categories of my own.
Our first category is for Leading Actress Who Seemingly Stitched Together Her Own Gown in the Back of a Massive Limousine. Amazingly, it was a four way tie:
Jennifer Lawrence in a bed sheet with belts tied around her all willy nilly in an attempt to hold it up (this one has inspired some pretty fabulous memes).
Zoe Saldana in what seems to be three separate Prabal Gurung gowns and a bra strap malfunction.
Julia Roberts in a beautiful, strapless Dolce and Gabbana gown, with her husband’s oxford underneath for warmth.
Lastly, Berenice Bejo took a gorgeous and flowy Giambattista Valli gown, topped it with a red tuxedo vest and then went wild attaching tissue paper flowers before she ran out of tape.
Ladies, I’m sorry, but #DIYfail.
For her lead role as Malibu Barbie Morticia (a 90’s period piece), we have the bronzed Heidi Klum in Marchesa.
For Best Use of Einstein Hair, we have Amber Heard and Kate Mara.
Gown Most Likely to Consume Its Wearer goes to Paula Patton (who I had to Google) in Stephanie Rolland.
Two of my favorite ladies took the dubious prize of Best Example of Why You Need an Editor: Zooey Deschanel in Oscar De La Renta and Drew Barrymoore in Monique Lhullier.
The prize for Stealing Bad Dad‘s Heart goes to Joanna Newsom (musician and wife of Andy Samberg) and Stephanie Beatriz in glasses.
Now for my favorites! I loved: Lupita Nyong’o in Ralph Lauren | Maria Menounos in BCBG Max Azria | Margot Robbie in Gucci | Tatiana Maslany in Jenny Packham | Amy Adams in Valentino | Emilia Clarke in Proenza Schouler
Best hair and makeup: Cate Blanchett | Kate Beckinsale | Kerry Washington | Naomi Watts | Sandra Bullock | Lupita Nyong’o
Tina and Amy killed it as per usual. My favorite zingers were aimed at the fellas:
- When talking about Gravity they said “Clooney would rather float away and die rather than spend one moment with a woman his own age.”
- The introduced Leonardo DiCaprio to the crowd with this: “Like a supermodel’s vagina, let’s all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio.”
- They told Matt Damon he was basically a garbage person compared to everyone else in the room.
OK. Now I want to hear what you think. What did I get wrong? What did I miss? What did you think?
Also, please tell me you saw this: