I’ve been in need of a change here in blogland. Something fresh to keep me on my toes and knock me out of a boring rut of regurgitating the same kinds of posts again and again.
If there’s one thing that’s fresh that also keeps me on my toes, it’s my husband—only I don’t mean fresh in that so fresh and so clean way. I mean fresh in the my jaw is on the floor and you need your mouth washed out with soap kind of way.
Still, no matter how much he horrifies me at times, I can’t help but laugh. I’m hoping you feel the same way. So without further ado, I’d like to introduce you to my husband and third child, Bad Dad.
My wife asked me to write about “literally anything.” She lied.
Rejected Blog topics
1. What to do when your wife is a terrible parent and other true stories.
2. Go ahead Einstein, touch the iron, it’s way cool and fun: Why teaching your kids sarcasm and irony is funny AND smart.
3. If Disney princesses were Breaking Bad characters, here’s who would be whom.*
4. A list of reasons I think the star of that one Disney show who is totally of age would probably really want to be good friends with me seriously only in a normal totally platonic way.
5. Raising kids is hard, right? Here’s a list of guys I know who sell drugs that could help you at least take the edge off or whatever.
6. Detailed plot outline for my children’s show (it’s exactly like Dora but the protagonist is me and I’m very condescending and mean while talking to the audience).
7. MY week through Instragram, only it’s just me taking duckface selfies in the bathroom while the cat is obviously in the background crapping in his litterbox.
8. Tell mommy that dress makes her look fat, and other funny things to make your kids do.
9. The Stench!: The funnest ways to play find the stench with your kids.
10. 15 True life lessons Darth Vader taught Luke and how I hope to convey these lessons to my daughters in this Darth Vader mask.
*This topic was started but scrapped after a cease and desist from BuzzFeed
Editor’s note: Please address all hate mail to my husband.
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Hi! I'm Jen, a freelance writer and girl mom who loves reading the newest children’s books as much as I love a good psychological thriller. I believe fiercely in the power of kindness, empathy, and really good quality chocolate. When I'm not knee-deep in glittery crafts and girl talk, you can probably find me sprawled out on my couch in the middle of a Netflix marathon with dark chocolate smeared on my face. The struggle is real. 
Jeez, who birthed this guy?
Whoever she is, I don’t blame her for his issues 😉