Hi. My name is Jen and I’m a sugar addict.
I know some people say that jokingly in an attempt to express their love of desserts. I love desserts. But I’m also completely serious.
When you catch yourself standing in a corner, shoveling candy into your face as quickly as you can before anyone will notice (and not just because that means you’ll have to share), that’s a problem. When you are able to sit there and tell yourself that it’s not a good idea to consume more sugar because you’re already starting to feel sick but you are unable to make yourself stop, that’s a problem. When you’re completely aware that the amount of sugar you’re eating is effecting your skin, your stomach, your mood, your anxiety levels, and your ability to sleep at night but you still can’t stop yourself, that’s a problem.
And that’s exactly where I find myself right now. Toxic. Ashamed. Lacking willpower.
That’s also why I’ve decided to go sugar free throughout all of April.
I’m not telling you this so that you’ll do it with me (although it would be fun if you did!). I’m not even telling you this because I think everyone should do something this drastic. I believe in Gretchen Rubin’s idea of abstainers and moderators. Some people do better if they give something up completely than if they decide to do something once in a while (and vice versa).
For me, when I’m in a really bad food rut the only thing I can do to break it is completely abstain. I enjoy challenging myself and proving that I can do it. If I were to try to ease off sugar by enjoying it moderately, one bad day would result in me hiding in a closet and eating an entire bag of peanut butter cups… and then feeling like shit (physically and mentally) because of it.
Right now, I eat healthily about 90% of the time. The problem is that the extra 10% consists entirely of me binge eating sugar.
Now, I’ve done this in the past. I’ve taken myself off of sugar for 3-4 weeks and handled my addiction so that it’s controllable again. The problem is that while I go through those few weeks, I’m always thinking about what’s on the other side of it: ice cream and chocolate bars and brownies. I think that’s been my main problem. While I abstain, I need to try and rethink the way I look at sugar all around.
Let’s just call this a work in progress. I’ll be posting about this little experiment on Facebook and Instagram, including some healthy swaps and ideas for those of us who have a problem with sugar.
Let me know if you’re interested in reading more about this type of stuff either in the comments or by emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org.