On Husbands and Alarm Clocks (or My Pet Peeve)

So, what is it with husbands and alarm clocks? Specifically, husbands incessantly slapping the snooze button on said alarm clock? At least one of my friends has a husband who suffers from this same affliction (I know your dirty secret, Kev). Yes, I realize ladies are just as capable of this horrific habit. But I’m not concerned with ladies. I’m concerned with my husband and his alarm clock that won’t. stop. buzzing.

I have a few pet peeves. Unnecessary use of quotation marks, improper grammar, and people “axing” me questions are just three. But, lately, my husband and his damn alarm clock is the pet peeve to end all pet peeves.

Take this morning, for instance. Baby wakes up cranky at 5 am. Momma grabs baby, brings her into (already crowded) bed and attempts to drift back into the land of leaping sheep. While everyone else sleeps peacefully, Momma stares at ceiling thinking about the three emails she should write when she gets up, taking mental notes, and making to-do lists (all of which will disappear from her brain before the next thought emerges from the depths of its little wrinkles). Just as Momma starts to drift to sleep, the bed suddenly feels as if it is the epicenter of a small earthquake. The world’s loudest vibrating phone is the cause.

Let me take a brief second from bitching to say that this obnoxious vibrating is actually because my dear husband is trying to be nice and has set the alarm on his phone to vibrate instead of setting his obnoxiously loud alarm clock. His thought is that it will wake him instead of the rest of the occupants of his bed. Mission: failed.

The stealthiest ninja could tiptoe outside my house and I guarantee I would jump up all momma bear-like, ready to attack any impending threat to my babies. So no. Putting your phone on vibrate is not helpful to me. I could deal with it once. I could even handle two times. But by the fifth time your insanely loud phone begins vibrating on our bed, I want to leap over our sleeping children and punch you in your somehow sleeping face.

I am not a violent woman. In fact, I am a lover of peace and tranquility. I don’t like confrontation. But if you run into my husband in the supermarket and he has a peculiar bruise on his face, you can bet I finally clocked him.

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