rejectionI’m pretty sure I have never in my life craved a rejection letter so badly.

I think it’s safe to say that most of us are not fans of rejection, right? It leaves you with a sick feeling way down deep in your stomach and can lead to weeks of just wanting to take a nap and/or shove as much sugar and processed food in your face as your napping schedule will allow. It sucks.

But do you know what sucks more? Not getting rejected and listening to the deafening sound of crickets while your hope swings wildly by the weakest of threads. Are you idiotic to hold onto that hope? Because they probably don’t want you, right? But. Buuuuuut. They haven’t exactly said no, so maybe, just maybe, that might turn into a yes? You talk yourself around and around in neurotic circles until you’re so dizzy you don’t know what to think.

Let me give this some context.

I wrote a children’s book. Even though the idea of sending it off into the universe for judgement made me want to vomit, I took a deep breath, put on my big girl panties and did it. Six weeks later and… crickets.

I would love to open my email and see the name of a particular agency staring back at me in my inbox. I would even be OK with opening that email up and reading “We’re sorry to inform you…”

That’s kind of a lie. But at the same time knowing is so much better than not knowing. Especially when you’re a control freak.

So. What do I do now?

Well, I find a new, luckier pair of big girl panties, dust myself off, bandage my wounded pride and do it all again. Because when you really want something, you don’t stop when it gets tough. You don’t take no (or silence) for an answer. You get your shit together and you find another way.

Have you been rejected lately? Please, please commiserate with me in the comments. Or, you know, send chocolate. Preferably dark. And preferably a lot.

This post is part of my 52 Essays project. This year I have set a goal for myself to write one finished piece every week(ish). I’m not sure what you can expect from them because I’m sort of winging it. Some will be good. Some will be less good. Hopefully you’ll love them. Maybe you’ll hate them. We’ll just have to wait and see. 😉 14/52

Written by Jennifer Garry
Jen is a freelance writer and girl mom from New York. When she's not knee-deep in glittery crafts and girl talk, you can probably find her sprawled across her couch in the middle of a Netflix marathon with dark chocolate smeared on her face. The struggle is real.