I hate scary movies. I’m a big old chicken and have absolutely no interest in being kept up all night wondering if someone’s creeping in the bushes. I get too little sleep to begin with, thank you very much. My husband happens to love a good scare, but he’s stuck trying to squeeze in episodes of American Horror Story while I get kids to bed or when I have to work at night.

But I also really don’t like to feel like I’m missing out—which is why when it gets to be Halloween time, I like to have a little arsenal of movies at the ready that won’t make me triple wrap my feet under the blankets and run into the girls’ room to check on them every time the cat moves.

I broke some of my favorites up into three categories…

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I’m a big fat Halloween dud. Some people get way into the whole creeptacular decorating thing (I’m specifically looking at my sister, who started decorating for Halloween in August. August!), but I’m usually the last minute scrambler. And the scrambles usually come because the girls start looking forlorn and sighing and saying “We didn’t decorate for Halloween yet!”

This, my friends, is when the mom guilt clicks up to high and the DIY brain shifts to overdrive. Or something. Basically, I freeze momentarily and say: how do I get all of the Halloween decorations for very little money and, like, immediately?

Enter this roundup of DIYs that should take less than ten minutes each… which I totally didn’t put together for my own benefit (nudge, nudge, wink, wink).

Pick and choose your favorites (or, you know, the ones with supplies that are easiest for you to access) and take a half hour here and a half hour there to bang them out. By the end of the week, the kids will completely forget that you’re the worst because you’ll suddenly be the coolest.

It’s been a while since my last Just Ask Sam post—and not because she doesn’t have anything to say. Because, trust me, the girl has got a lot to say. I just couldn’t get any answers out of her that weren’t carefully worded as though she was already considering a presidential run in 2030.

A slight tweak in my interviewing tactics brought dramatically better results. Instead of asking her what she knows I asked her what she thinks might be true. This made all of the difference in the world to my serious little rule follower.

Here are her thoughts on the origins of Halloween and some of its traditions…

For those of you who haven’t been exposed to Bad Dad before, he’s my husband and he’s a little fresh. We usually don’t let him out around polite company, but once a week or so he finds a way to sneak onto the blog and horrify me. If you haven’t met him before, I apologize in advance…

After reading some of the recent posts which my wife has viciously manipulated to make me look like some kind of cold-hearted dullard, I felt like I needed a change of plans. So I was thinking about how some parents like to kind of scare their kids with pranks and stuff near Halloween, but I want you all to be safe. So here’s a list of shit you DEFINITELY SHOULDN’T DO BECAUSE IT’S HALLOWEEN AND THIS STUFF MIGHT SCARE YOUR KIDS AND GIVE THEM NIGHTMARES.

My little boogers and I are always up for spending some time at Barnes and Noble. In fact, we totally have a Barnes and Noble routine (sort of related: Sam and I always call it “Barnes” while Ellie calls it “Nobles,” which tells you an awful lot about her personality).

We walk in and head straight back to the kids’ section, where we wander around picking up some of the featured books that are on the tables and along the back wall. We always end up with at least four or five books (including an obnoxiously noisy one courtesy of Ellie), which we take up into the cafe.

Then we basically read, stuff our faces with cookies and my seasonal latte of choice, and amuse (or appall, depending on the day) the people around us until one or both children starts to melt down, at which point we hightail it out of there.

Anyway, Barnes and Noble trips are kind of our thing, so it shouldn’t surprise you that we’ve read way more Halloween books than any small group of human beings should ever read. It also shouldn’t surprise you that we’re kind of opinionated about them. There are some that straight up stink, but rather than focus on those, we’ve got a list of what we think are the best kids Halloween books out there and why they’re awesome.

This post contains affiliate links. It doesn’t cost you any extra to use them, but I may make money for finding them for you.

5 of the Best Kids Halloween Books

Frankenstein (A Monstrous Parody)

This is, without a doubt, the best kids parody book out there. It’s fun totally on its own (with monsters and bed wetting and headless creatures). You don’t need to know the Madeline story (which this book parodies line by line and picture by picture) to enjoy it. If you do know the story, it just makes the book even better. Instead of Miss Clavel, there is Miss Devel. And instead of twelve little girls in two straight lines, there are twelve ugly monsters in two crooked lines. My girls get a huge kick out of it—and so do I.

The Legend of Spookley the Square Pumpkin

Spookley has a great anti-bullying message. He’s a square pumpkin in a world full of round ones and everyone looks at him a little differently because of it—at least until there’s a bad storm and the quick thinking of one brave square pumpkin saves the day. Kids really feel for little Spookley, which helps to drive the book’s message home.

Even Monsters Need Haircuts

This one is a cute and totally fun read that had my girls giggling. The little boy is the son of a barber and once a month (when there’s a full moon) he sneaks out of the house with his friend the vampire bat and spends the night giving monsters haircuts. It’s silly and light and even enjoyable for adults.

The Biggest Pumpkin Ever

I remember this book from when I was a kid, so I had to read it to my little ladies. It’s about two little mice who are very different and unknowingly start taking care of the same pumpkin. That little pumpkin gets so much love and attention that it becomes the Biggest Pumpkin Ever. But the mice have very different plans for the pumpkin. The kids are left to wonder what will happen until the end when the two mice meet.

Room on the Broom

This is another one of those books that I love as much as the kids do. I never shudder when they ask me to read it again. It’s fun and clever and the kids like the rhyming and repetition. Plus, the story has a great message of friendship. The witch keeps making room on her broom for new friends until it snaps in two and she’s captured by a fire breathing dragon who likes to eat witch with french fries. Luckily for the witch, her friends come to the rescue.

Did we miss any of your favorite kids Halloween books?

Looking for more Halloween fun? Check out these posts:

• 8 Quick & Easy Halloween DIYs That Your Kids Will Absolutely Love
• Last Minute Halloween Costume | Fortune Teller
• 12 Not-So-Scary Movies to Watch This Halloween
• DIY Spooky Halloween Wreath
• Five Halloween Costumes I Will Not Be Wearing