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Cuddles & Chaos - motherhood, for real
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    • Writing, Editing and Marketing Services for Small Businesses
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Personal

Lessons from a Decade of Motherhood

lessons from a decade of motherhood

I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that ten years ago this morning I was waddling into the hospital—absolutely terrified—to be induced with my first baby. Roughly four hours later, that fear was obliterated as my screaming daughter was placed onto my chest and promptly pooped on my stomach. I was still clueless and unsure how I was going to keep such a tiny, helpless human alive. But one thing was certain: this was a love like no other.

A whole decade with this girl and the sister who came after her has taught me a lot. While it would be absolutely impossible to collect it all into words, I thought I’d share a few of the most important motherhood lessons I’ve stumbled through in the last decade.

No one knows anything.

Seriously. Everyone pretends to be an expert. Especially when it comes to other people’s problems. But when it comes down to it? We’re all completely clueless and winging it.

You know how scared you were at the thought of keeping a newborn alive? That’s how scared I am about navigating the terrifying waters of tweendom. That’s how scared I’ll be about middle school mean girls and high school parties and college and everything.

The second you seem to get your bearings and you think you understand this whole motherhood thing is the same second they catapult you into a whole new phase of scary.

motherhood lessons | newborn days

The things that you worry about the most will make you laugh a year from now.

When Ellie was a pudgy little infant, she slept a lot. Now, normal people might throw their hands in the air and praise the gods. But new mothers? They’re not normal people. Instead of being thrilled that baby number two slept infinitely better than baby number one, I completely freaked out. I even went so far as to call my mother, bawling. I was terrified that Ellie was missing major milestones because she was spending all of her time sleeping.

Right now, I realize how hilarious that statement is. But back then I was completely terrified. I was convinced that I could see into the future and the path ahead was rocky and full of developmental delays… all because my baby was sleeping. I mean, her big sister never slept. She loathed sleep from birth and rarely succumbed to it without being held in my arms. That brings me to my next lesson.

motherhood lessons | sleeping baby

Don’t compare your children.

It’s really easy to. I know that. It almost seems natural. But what two human beings do you know that are one hundred percent alike? None. Which means that when a new baby comes along, you need to throw out the idea that you’re a pro. There are some things that might be similar and lessons learned from baby number one that will come in handy. But you have a completely new human to learn about. This new human has her own sets of likes and dislikes and quirks. It doesn’t make her any better or worse than her sibling. It makes her her.

Moms who judge other moms are some of the worst humans on the planet.

I wish this wasn’t a thing, but it is and it sucks. There are moms out there who sit atop high pedestals of perfection and look down their noses, throwing rocks at the rest of us. The secret at the root of it, which they would do anything to hide, is that they’re not perfect. None of us are. The difference is that they try to hide their imperfections by pointing out the flaws of others. Because if they pick apart every misstep I’ve made in my mothering, it must mean they know more and are better at it, right? Wrong.

Do not be that mom.

Instead, be the mom who rushes in to support the mom who looks a little lost or like she’s at the end of her rope. Don’t be a know it all. Don’t try to solve her problems. But let her know that you see her. That you’ve been there. That we all have. And that she’s doing just fine.

motherhood lessons | baby sister

There is no one thing that works for everyone.

Everyone wants to dole out one-size-fits-all parenting advice. Don’t listen. It’s complete bullshit. If someone claims to have the magic solution to colic or getting babies to sleep through the night or potty training or separation anxiety, they are seriously deluded.

There is no wand you can wave or super secret incantation that solves a problem for all humans.

Just like you shouldn’t compare your children, you can’t expect the same thing to work for children everywhere. Different personalities respond to things differently. Sometimes what works for one family would be straight up madness for another. That doesn’t make it wrong. It just makes it different. Take every single piece of advice with a grain of salt. If something doesn’t work, don’t feel like a failure. Instead, adopt Amy Poehler’s mantra: “good for you, not for me.”

motherhood lessons | tween

Being a mother means being a master manipulator.

When I was little, I was pretty sure my mother knew everything. Now that I’m a mother, I know that’s not true. None of us do. What we do learn to do really well though, is to manipulate our children. Seriously. If you want to pretend that’s not true, that’s fine. But you’re a liar.

Mothers are masters of distraction. Do you know the quickest way to diffuse a meltdown? You make a kid focus on something completely unrelated. When you see your child on the verge of an explosion, you ask them a totally random question. Or offer a cookie. Or pull up a funny video on the iPad. I’m not judging. This is the trenches. You do what you have to to survive. Most of the time, that means manipulating the tiny little creature that you love so much so that you get the outcome you want.

You’ll still do this when they’re older. Instead of easy distractions though, you have to be a little more on your toes. You offer options so they feel like they’re in control. You plant the seeds of something in their minds before really addressing it. You let them have twenty minutes of FaceTime with their friends as long as their room is clean.

motherhood lessons | when all else fails, chocolate

One lesson I wish I could learn is to let go of the mom guilt. I wish I could just let it float away like a lost balloon, but it’s not that easy and weightless. When there’s something that you want so desperately to be good at, it can be difficult to see what you’re doing right. Instead, all that jumps out at you is all of the little times you’ve failed or lost it. But be gentle with yourself, momma.

And when all else fails? Chocolate.

lessons from a decade of motherhood

boss lady, Jennifer Garry Designs, self care

#supermomsquad Prizes

#supermomsquad

#supermomsquad

I am so incredibly excited about this #supermomsquad contest. So many fabulous ladies have helped me to spread the word and I can’t thank them enough.

But now we need you to get in on it! Don’t be shy! We want to see and hear all about what makes you a supermom. Whether it’s super sweet or absolutely ridiculous, there is no wrong answer here! It’s all about lifting moms up and celebrating the fact that, while our lives may be chaotic, we’re awesome.

And the prizes? They’re pretty awesome too.

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giggles, Giveaways

#supermomsquad Contest

#supermomsquad

#supermomsquadSo much of what’s on the internet and social media about motherhood focuses on what’s hard. We talk about sleepless nights and tantrum-filled days and constantly feeling like a failure. I wholeheartedly admit that being a mom is the hardest job I’ve ever had. It can be brutal and exhausting, but it’s also really, really amazing.

This Mother’s Day, I want to change the conversation. Instead of focusing on what’s hard, I want to celebrate all of the ways we kick ass. So I’m assembling our very own #supermomsquad.

Between today and 5/1 you can post a photo of your mom superpower on social media with the hashtag #supermomsquad (make sure you also tag me so that I can see it @cuddlesandchaos on Facebook and Instagram and @jennifergarry on Twitter). On 5/1, I’ll put all of the entries into a Facebook album. You can share it and encourage your friends and family to vote for your entry. The photo with the most likes by Mother’s Day (5/8) will win an awesome grand prize bundle that includes:

  • A $20 credit to my brand new hand-stamped jewelry line, Jennifer Garry Designs
  • A Heart Full t-shirt from Good in Store
  • A $10 shop credit to Sweet Mimi Studio
  • A $20 shop credit to Baby Jives Co.
  • Pieces to Peaces TBA

Now, let me introduce you to a few of the members of our bad ass #supermomsquad…

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giggles

Anxiety Is My Archnemesis

anxiety is my archnemesis

 

Anxiety is a bitch.

Sometimes I feel it grab hold of me. It starts by clinging to my ankle and slowly but surely climbs me like some wind-worn mountaineer making its way to the top. I want to swat at it, to tell it to back up off me because ain’t nobody got time for this. But, before I know it, it’s clutching my throat. Once its icy, Voldemort-like fingers are pressed there, making breathing an arduous task, I know the real struggle has begun. It’s much harder to shake the feeling of constant panic once it’s reached this level.

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Personal

7 Mornings

Emily McDowell strangers on internet print

Emily McDowell strangers on internet print

I love Pinterest and Instagram (like, a lot), but sometimes they leave me feeling less than. As if my unstyled, wild and chaotic life is somehow not good enough when propped up next to gorgeously curated feeds. But, the thing is, they’re all just that: curated. Tiny little snippets of someone’s life that they deem good enough for the universe to judge them on.

While I love the idea of inspirational images feeding our creativity and making us strive to do and be a little bit better, I don’t like the days when I’m left feeling not good enough. I have a tendency to spiral out of control and sometimes all it takes is a well-styled photo of a family that looks like it climbed out of a J. Crew catalog to do just that.

Thinking about this made me decide to take seven random photos of mornings in our house. None of them are styled. The lighting isn’t always particularly good. Our house is messy and our hair is undone, but that’s life. 

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about the momma

Hi! I'm Jen, a freelance writer and girl mom who loves reading the newest children’s books as much as I love a good psychological thriller. I believe fiercely in the power of kindness, empathy, and really good quality chocolate. When I'm not knee-deep in glittery crafts and girl talk, you can probably find me sprawled out on my couch in the middle of a Netflix marathon with dark chocolate smeared on my face. The struggle is real. Learn more about me here.

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“I didn’t look up. I didn’t look down. I jus “I didn’t look up. I didn’t look down. I just kept climbing. One step at a time...” A pretty solid lesson from After the Fall, one of my all-time favorite picture books.I don’t know who needs to hear it right now (me. It’s definitely me), but sometimes you just have to keep on doing your thing. 💚
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