if you don't like where you are, move you are not a treeI’m in the midst of a blogistential crisis. The struggle is real and the self-induced pressure could make a diamond shoot out of my ass.

Truth be told, I’m feeling like I lost myself a little bit here. I started this blog because I wanted to write. I wanted a place to put my writing and a place to direct people when they were thinking about maybe hiring me. Somewhere along the line, I’ve gotten completely distracted from that. The writing has almost become a secondary thing. I jot down ideas on an editorial calendar (fueled by Pinterest and social media and other blogs and every other little bit of information that is being shot out at me like fine glitter that I can’t shake off) and I feel like I must make them come to fruition. And regularly. Or else.

But what am I doing?

I feel like I’ve totally lost my aim. Like outside forces have made me feel like I need to mold my little space into something it was never intended to be. Maybe that’s the word I need to focus on more: intention. I seem to be blogging without it lately.

I want to create good, honest pieces that make you chuckle and leave you feeling like someone out there just might understand you. That you’re not alone. That your thoughts and feelings are valid and there are other people out there that feel the same way. I’m not doing any of that when I pound some letters on my keyboard about topics I’m not particularly passionate about solely to have content to slap up—bonus points if it’s content that the Pinterest gods love.

The outcome isn’t beneficial to any of us.

So what am I saying? I’m not exactly sure. I think what I want to do is get back to basics; to go back to what this all started about: the words. I need to care less about traffic and interaction and subscribers and recognition—which are all amazing when favorable, but totally beside the point.

New rule: Storytelling is the most important piece of this puzzle. If I’m going to give you a DIY or a food recipe, there needs to be a story behind it. If I’m doing a product round up, I’ll leave it at that and not try to bullshit a story before it. The writing needs to be the golden ticket. Photography is most definitely not my strong suit, but what my pictures don’t show you, my carefully swaddled word babies can. I need to rock them and burp them and care for them instead of leaving them to cry while I search for the most perfectly Pinworthy angle.

What I need is for you to hold me to this rule. I need you to call me out on posts that seem a little phony or not in line with what I’m working towards. Leave a comment, shoot me an email, call me out loudly on social media. Be my policing system. Because this whole shooting diamonds out of my ass thing? It’s not working for me.

This post is part of my 52 Essays project. This year I have set a goal for myself to write one finished piece every week(ish). I’m not sure what you can expect from them because I’m sort of winging it. Some will be good. Some will be less good. Hopefully you’ll love them. Maybe you’ll hate them. We’ll just have to wait and see. 😉 6/52

Written by Jennifer Garry
Jen is a freelance writer and girl mom from New York. When she's not knee-deep in glittery crafts and girl talk, you can probably find her sprawled across her couch in the middle of a Netflix marathon with dark chocolate smeared on her face. The struggle is real.