Since Valentine’s day is tomorrow and there is an overabundance of lovey dovey ooey gooeyness going on in the blogosphere, I thought I’d seize the moment and give you the opposite.

Believe me, I love lovey dovey ooey gooeyness as much as the next girl. If you’ve got a rom com, I’m so down to watch it. I’ll even bring the chocolate if you’ve got a cozy blanket.

Still, with so much romance floating around out there I thought I’d give you three date ideas you shouldn’t try–well, more like three date ideas I wouldn’t be caught dead trying. I don’t know what your relationship is like, but I know these would not work for me and my hubs.

1) Build something together.

My husband and I both think that we know the absolute best way to do pretty much anything (and why won’t that freaking idiot just listen to me and do it my way?!). So you know what would be a really terrible idea? Closing ourselves in a room with a bunch of small parts and an instruction book and saying “Let’s do this!”

No, it would not be a good bonding experience. It would more likely be a near death experience.

Here’s what would happen. I would grab the instructions while he started looking at all of the little pieces and the picture on the box. While I’m trying to make sense of the directions, he’ll start picking up pieces and jamming them together. I’ll tell him I don’t think he’s doing it right and to wait until I read the directions. He’ll ignore me and continue.

Irritated by the fact that he’s ignoring me, I’ll say it louder (some may call it yelling. I prefer to say speaking sternly). He’ll tell me he knows what he’s doing as I turn the paper all different ways to see if it helps me understand what the hell the pictures are showing me any better.

We’ll both end up yelling, he’ll end up bleeding because he’s stubborn and trying to force pieces together that don’t actually belong together, and we won’t want to be anywhere near each other. Oh and we’ll have something built in the most half-assed way imaginable.

Go kayaking

I thought building something together was the worst idea ever, but kayaking might have it beat. Yeah, it could be nice to leisurely float along checking out the scenery and pretending we’re in a romance novel. But when you’re both incredibly stubborn, it can turn into a bit of a tug of war.

Do it my way. 

No. Do it my way. I know what I’m doing!

The only difference is that instead of some pieces of wood, you’re dealing with a body of water with a mind of its own. I’m not down with drowning during what was supposed to be some romantic date idea. I think we’ll stay on land, thank you very much.

Phone date

I actually saw this in an article about great alternative date ideas. Really? What about it is a good idea? My husband hates the phone. Our conversation would be incredibly one sided.

I would talk on and on and on (frequently breaking off of my train of thought to talk about some shiny thing that has distracted me) while he turns on a dumb action movie (probably Transformers) and turns down the sound.

He’ll sprinkle in some uh huhs and yeahs at the appropriate pauses and I’ll be cool with it until he slips up and says the wrong canned response. Then I’ll be all Are you even listening to me?! You’re watching Transformers aren’t you?!

And he’ll be all like Of course not!

And then I’ll hear Shia LaBeouf in the background and the “date” will be over.

Alright. Your turn. What are the worst cheap date ideas for you and your significant other?

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